Sex with a Charming, Intelligent, Hot Guy? Err, No Thanks.


January 24, 2014 by urbanhealthjunkie

Ok so it’s date no.4 and his big brown eyes are alive with desire and interest. His heart rate is up, his cheeks are a little flushed and he can’t help but stroke my legs and mutter words that make butterflies flutter in my tummy. And he’s hot, very hot.

Wow, I’m feeling really lucky. Men like this are pretty rare. He’s even into yoga, cares about the environment, talks eloquently about his feelings and frequently sends me texts telling me how much he wants to see me.

Now he says he’s turned on and really wants me to ‘stay over next week’ soon. So, whilst many women would be flattered and booking themselves a full body wax pretty pronto, I’m thinking that one of the the last things I wanna do right now is get horizontal with the guy.

So why don’t I want to drop my drawers? Don’t I fancy him? Am I gay? Am I religious? Am I frigid? Am scared he’ll not like my body? No! (Well maybe I’m a little apprehensive about bearing my flesh to such a hunk, but that’s a minimal concern).

Physical and sexual intimacy can be incredible. But that’s just it. Often sex is far from intimate unless we take the time to really explore, grow to respect and learn about our sexual partners.

Being a yogi I’m into practicing gratitude and letting go of perfection; I believe in the goodness of people; I believe that we are all interconnected by something deeply spiritual and profound that’s bigger than us. Much of my teaching, whether through asana or talks, is about creating bridges and knocking down the walls that have perpetuated a sense of disconnection.

So, how funny, that many men I talk to think I’m not being ‘open’ when I won’t ‘put out’. And when I talk about being vulnerable, many are taken aback. Being vulnerable, by the way, isn’t a weakness, it’s about being honest with how we feel, about our fears, about what we need, and, asking for what we need. In fact I think that being vulnerable is essential for intimacy.

So if the hunk is really worth his salt, he’ll understand that it’s worth taking time over and enjoy the journey of becoming more heart-aligned and emotionally, spiritually, physically connected along the way. If not, then I’ll feel a bit bruised, but I’ll be wiser. After all, in my book, life’s about falling in love with yourself and sharing that love with someone who makes you shine even more brightly.


One thought on “Sex with a Charming, Intelligent, Hot Guy? Err, No Thanks.

  1. StJohn says:

    As the brown-eyed guy this post may or may not be referring too – I full heartedly agree with all of this. Self-respect first is an essential building block in any relationship worth having, and giving yourself away too quickly will not lead to your partner respecting you, because it might indicate that you don’t respect yourself enough first.

    I’d like to think I’m helping the author ‘shine more brightly’ as she certainly does this to me!

    Whether or not I’m still waiting to ‘get horizontal’ is besides the point, the journey is far deeper and poignant on so many other levels. Physicality is just the icing on a much richer cake. :*

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